January 25, 2013

The 20-Year Love Story

November 18, 2009

I dreamed a strange dream last night.

I am lost and trying to find my way back home, back to my husband. Traveling on foot, I walk through familiar neighborhoods somewhere along the coast, where we used to live. It is nighttime. Gradually the streets became unfamiliar, and I try reading the street signs on the corners, hoping to recognize them and find my way back home. But none of the names are familiar.

Strangely, at one point I am driving in a tiny car, backwards, through a tiny alley, trying to get through a half-open, iron gate. Carefully I make it through. But then, I am back walking on foot again.

I come upon a street with a restaurant I know! I've been there before! A big, rustic, log building with snow covering its roof, The NorthWoods Inn! Ahh, at last, something familiar. But that means I'm farther away from my home than I originally thought. How far have I traveled from home? How will I get back to him?

Still lost and far from my husband, I decide to phone him, or someone, just anyone! I must have a cell phone on me, but I can't remember his number, or my daughter's, or anyone else's. I walk down a small corridor, almost like an alley. I stop and begin rummaging through my purse for anything that has phone numbers on it, a piece of paper or in a notebook. I flip through this small notebook, page by page, but nothing. I try to remember some, but there are so many numbers to memorize lately. Things are a jumble in my head. I hear someone whisper from around the corner, "Phone?" I don't know why they said that. They aren't talking to me, are they? And, I am so sad. And lost. How will he be able to find me? Where am I? I do not know. 

Feeling so sad and alone now. Lost and confused. There must be help somewhere . . . There must be a phone number I can remember. I am becoming desperate. Who will help me? Who will find me?

I slowly turn to my right and look down the long hallway, whitish walls on each side. And then, he steps out from a doorway, so gracefully, as if to surprise me, no, to comfort me. Like a fair knight, he smiles knowingly. He knows I am afraid. He has been looking for me all this time. No words are spoken, just complete understanding between us. He has found me. And I am helpless, and full of love.

I wake up full of emotions, looking at him beside me. He is like a little boy and my heart breaks with love. What have we become? Will he find me again? Can we find our way back home?